Home Run.

Experiencing different things are kind of like a roller coaster ride for me - Indeed, it is fun but at the same time I am still afraid of change. I have taken the courage to try out something new - not caring about the likes or followers of Instagram and well, sometimes I do care about people never commenting on my pictures anymore - makin me overthink that they’re actually do not care about me anymore. But hey, change is not always good, isn’t it? It’s finding out who you truly are and it’s about discovering the truth in the darkness.

I have been experiencing overthinking and have been searching for an answer. And recently - I met a friend that I kinda lost in touch with. I know she is one of those people that are genuinely care about me and our friendship, it’s like we never lose any contact. We got some time to catch up on what’s missing and which stage are we in this life. And actually, without her realizing it - she actually answered my questions that I have been silently asking myself.

It seems hard for me to realize that there are actually less people that genuinely cares about us, as a person. They always want to see us fail and not succeed - they seem to be genuinely happy in front of us but well, behind us they’re a completely different person or shall we just say backstabbers. I’ve come to realize that we should live our life the way we want it doesn’t matter if we fail or succeed - it all leads back to ourselves. Nobody’s gonna be affected with our success, nobody’s gonna be affected with our failure. People are just going to stand there and watch you how you end up in. You would be actually live a happier life when you stop caring about those judging people and move on. Cause you should see your mistakes as lesson learned. The grass is indeed greener on the other side as long as you keep on water it.

and that’s where it hit me. It hit me hard - I’ve been trying too hard to be accepted. I’ve been stupid enough to allow people to use me and care to the wrong people. Regretting on things is not going to change anything - therefore, I should’ve been thankful. Thankful for the shocking truth of how many ‘real’ friends that I’ve found, thankful for my eyes to be open wide knowing how there are only about 20% of real friendship that I can count on, thankful for the hurt and the goodbyes. It’s not an easy path for me to take - to try to stop caring less and love myself more. I’ve only live my life the way it is - not based on the purpose that I haven’t really think of. I hope - I know things are going to get better as time goes forward. And now I know, how many people I can actually count on in my life.

-End.