is it ok if I talk?

you’re confused, you’re hurt with the current situation of 21k+ covid case in Indonesia.

you’re lost - you missed your old best friends who are no longer your best friends because you know they’re toxic for you, you’re just missing the feeling of being accepted.

Yeah, that’s my Sunday - June 27th situation, missing the things that I’m not supposed to miss, thinking how life was so much easier before the pandemic hits - before you were single, before you have to rethink everything else, before you went for good before you have to deal with the real world, it seems that everything falls apart day by day, hour by hour and pitch dark - seconds.

I consider myself as someone who easily forget how to be grateful on being a live - I tend to stress and keep it all to myself, without telling anyone.. and shut myself down.

Today - I made a mistake, dwelling on the memories of what could’ve been and blaming myself for things that happened. I did, was it the wine talking? I guess not, it’s just something that I’ve buried within.

I tried to make a breakthrough - creating the type of motivational video today and I failed, because I didn’t feel like myself. Are we humans - being punished because we’re too cruel with each other? We tend to forget God’s desire and plan for us? We are so consumed with our selfishness and ego until we forget our path of life.

I’m trying my best to take one day at a time. I’m trying to show the real me to the world - but it seems that no one is accepting the real me. Do I have to keep pretending? No, I’m not looking for that pity face of yours. I’m looking for an answer, still - what the hell is my purpose in life? I’ve tried and tried every single day for years for growth - but it seems that I’m still stuck in the same place, feeling less happy and more on the worry about the future side. Looking at people who don’t deserve the happiness they deserve, confuses me. I’m not supposed to feel this way, but what if I do?