Mental Health Awareness Day - 10th Oct.
“Hey Darlin, did you gain weight?”
“Hey Darlin, I think you better lose weight and stop eating so much.” [they said it in a joking way but we all know this is fo real]
"Hey Darlin, why are you still single?”
“Hey Darlin, come onn you have soooooo many friends!”
“Hey Darlin, why don’t you party anymore like you used to? You used to be so much fun”
“Hey Darlin, you always change jobs! I bet you can’t stay in this new job for more than 6 months cause you get bored a lot.”
“Hey Darlin, why are you always overthinking? Why are you so sensitive?”
“Hey Darlin, Hey Darlin . Heeey……”
pitch black. darkness. no light, no one, just me - staring at my window, thinking - is this really my destiny? Being alone, trying my best to make others happy and once you disappear - no one noticed or give a single caring gesture?
and then there’s always the time when people are stuck in the dark side and I pull them out, only to finally realized they left after being saved.
Don’t you ever get tired of me talking about the same old things and trying to fight my demons inside of me that triggers all of the overthinking and negativity that lead me to feeling empty throughout the second, minute, hour, day even year of my life?
Things in life is not always gonna be easy - I learn it the hard way, honestly speaking [and I’ve mentioned this waaay to often both in my Blog Post and Instagram]. I’m a tad sure that each of us have our own negative voices in the back of our head that keeps on replaying every single day.
It’s the thoughts that always appear in my head when things do not go according to plan. It’s the hard-work that didn’t paid off, whereas people who work less get more exposure and being liked by others.
I am tired - tired of being used, tired of being forgotten and tired of being me, the one who always extend her hand when someone needed her help - the one who would drop everything and help others even though they betrayed her more than once - the one who seem strong on the outside that turns out broken on the inside since a long time ago and has been carrying the weights in her shoulder for years.
This is me - the one who always says Yes and do everything she can to make others happy when they are in their dark times.
It’s safe to say that life is not all butterflies and full of pixie dusts. I am the type of person who is hard to understand because I forgive people easily even though they betrayed me before - and honestly? I always blame my own self, I successfully convinced myself every single time - that people leave / betray me because of who I am, I didn’t do much or enough for them - and I always keep this to myself.
Overtime, I realized that I have to change my way of thinking otherwise I won’t survive in this cruel world - I have to stop on depending on other people, especially how the bestfriends you trust the most go all “MIA” because she had her breakthrough from her negative mind. It left me speechless because I always tried to be there when she had doubts on her career and life - especially since we live closeby and whenever I have my overthinking about our friendship she would always remind me that she’ll be there and never leave - once again, I am fooled.
Things are not permanent - some friendships do not last forever and we all need to let go of all the past bad memories and start living your present life to the fullest. Today - I want to remind myself to always see the good in goodbyes. Cherish the people who are in your life right now because the people that left you don’t deserve you. I encourage myself to think “My job is done to bring them to their happy place again.”
I am making a promise to myself, to always live one day at a time and be kind - always. It seems scarier each day of my life to think about the future especially during this hard time.... But let me remind you, we all matter, we all deserve to be happy and we will be found by someone who will get you to say
“ah, there you are.”
