Until When?

The end is always near, metaphorically, in the age of time, or mine.

Another day, another month and soon another year pass by. Wonderful thoughts, big expectations from the outer part of life. Getting your heart broken just because you have no choices in life. It’s always life against me, isn’t it?

Is it really the end for my long-life of freedom? One person, who makes me feel unhappy, unreliable, yet - well, everyone expected me to end up with that person. They say life has choices, but I don’t. I prayed until I don’t anymore because I feel like things always don’t make sense.

The world is fucking unfair, people get what they want at times while I’m just standing here, alone. Being loved is what I’m craving for, but alone is what I get. They say women expires in age, which I think it’s bullshit and that’s the reason why I hate living in Indonesia, where women are seen as just as a person with expiration date.

Tonight I got another sign, why love will die; how I can’t find true love. I fell in love again since about a year ago, but then there has been signs over and over again of why he is not the one. I’ve tried a different approach - not the same typical type of boys, I tried to find a “man” but somehow, it’s a temporary thing. Future plans and views are not the same anymore; me, being the ambitious one; the other, is literally only saying promises and plans that he could not keep.Ambitions die throughout the year, feelings slowly fade away and I go back to Day 1 - stuck in the life of feeling heartless, empty and screaming for help.

God oh God, Why Thou give me this type of life again? Sometimes I ask when’s it gonna end and You ended up providing someone that is not to my liking at.all.not.at.all. and well - being forced to choose the ones that I hated the most.