The Call of Everything

I got a call today,

from someone least expected.

It didn’t make me sad, the fact that he actually found his happily every after, his partner in life, love & crime. Actually, funny how it made me feel relieved.

But one thing that made me sad is his words, how he said “I’m calling cause I want to say I appreciate you came to my big day and I needed to say thanks to you, you’re shaping the person I’ve become. To be the man I am.”

This, hits me hard. It’s the fact that I feel that I’m always a phase for almost everyone, not allowed to find the one who would make me the happiest, at least someone who can tackle the hardship of life together. It seems that my dreams of being able to find someone before I turn 30 is just gone in a flash, because I, for once - I guess destined to be in someone’s life to make them better, and once they are better - it’s time for them to move on.

Marriage is a sacred thing. We believe in finding our partner once in a lifetime, but well, im almost turning 30, and where’s the right one for me? My dream of at least being able to find someone who’ll be my end game before everyone settles down, fades away. They say I have to stay strong, but what if my strength is being crushed by helping others or previous partners too much? Because I only care about their happiness. I tried not to settle too fast, I tried to choose the right one, the different one, but the wrong one always ended up there - temporarily.

and once again, my dream of being married is somehow gone, cause my thoughts keep on saying, “you deserve no one.”

No matter how hard or how less of an effort I did, how un-worry to become so worried, nothing change. Nothing left to believe. Time’s running out, and I got no one that will fight for me left.