To be awake in the middle of the night is always an uneasy feeling. But have you ever experience the worst of it all? Sleeping enough but woke up feeling uneasy, with your realization that your body is saying “no” and your mind saying “what are we doing again today? Same thing as yesterday?”
The voices, it came back. The uneasy feeling, the broken hearted feeling that you never know it’s there. Not because you haven’t moved on, it’s more on the being scared thinking about what future will you get.
I get it, I promised myself in the start of the year; during my birthday that I will learn to live in the present more instead of worrying about the future, but today - things changed. Somehow, it changed me completely.
I know that I have to go through the day with a fake smile - at least, in the corporate world and catching up with friends.
11:20 am, Jakarta time, in the office. When did I have the time to write my feelings out during office hour? Usually I kept myself busy in the long run - I was able to ignore the thoughts - but somehow.. I can’t pour out my ideas, my mind goes blank and it snaps right back. You’re drained, you’re exhausted at most, feeling lost all over again.
It seems that your feelings is even worst than the rain that poured last night, you wanted to let it all out, the cry; the scream; the everything - but you failed. You can’t. Your eyes can’t lie, only someone who knows you well will know.
Does this make me feel better? yes, a little bit. Until then - wish me luck in going through the day.
